depressed but still flying

I regret I haven’t been writing much. I haven’t been doing much of anything and I think it’s because I’m feeling terribly depressed. I haven’t been taking pictures, doing my own work; I’m just at a complete stand still. It’s not good.

Just to add to my frustration, I’m at loss for words to describe why. Yes, it’s exceptionally hot out just now with humidity we’ve been reaching temperatures that feel like 40 Celsius everyday. My studio is 34 and too hot to work in but that is no excuse because I’ve worked in hotter temperatures while in Africa. I haven’t been feeling well and my blood sugars are a little too high lately. I haven’t been able to shake this cold and still have a nasty cough and runny nose. I feel like shit and the world outside looks shitty from my air-conditioned house. Maybe my medicine isn’t working, I don’t know. All I really know is that I feel very depressed.

All I really feel like doing is flying jets in virtual reality and killing other combatants online by dropping ordinance on their heads or sending a heat-seeking missile up their derriere / engines – in the end it matters not to me as long as I get the kill. I’m a relatively good if not excellent pilot and usually win top aviator in any round I fly playing EA Battlefield games.

I’ve been piloting these aircraft:
F-15 Strike Eagle - Fighter Bomber, two seats (pilot and weapons officer)
F/A-18 Hornet - Single seat strike fighter
F-35 Joint Strike Fighter (JSF) - Single seat fighter bomber
MiG-29 'Fulcrum' - Single seat fighter
Su-34 'Fullback' - Fighter bomber, two seats (pilot and weapons officer)
J-10 - Fighter
Su-30 'Flanker' - Fighter bomber
I’ve been a gamer since I had my first computer a 1984 – 8086 IBM Laptop back in 1985. I was a “real time strategy” player for the longest time but in the last 5 years, I play only “Online First Person Shooters” like Battlefield 2 Modern, which has aircraft. I get a thrill out of flying supersonic jet fighters. My online pilot name is die2soon.

Why is it that when I feel this way all I want to do is fly and kill?

Jet comes to a stop but the missle…

…just keeps on going. Whoops wrong button!

Maybe the 2 sequence images above describe how I feel, in this case I’m the out of control missile. I think I need help not with online killing but with my head as it’s killing me.

One other thing which has delayed my posts has been that I couldn't figure out why my image software was not uploading to this site. Today I looked around and realized the Blogspot now has it's own upload interface which makes life that much easier to compile these posts.

Anyway I suck how about you?

GP